Support Meetings FAQ

Can I come to meetings even if I am not a member?

Absolutely! Feel free to check us out and get to know us. If at some point you decide to join PFLAG Bellevue/Eastside as a sustaining annual member, you can do so online or at one of our meetings.

When and where do you meet?

Please consult our Support Meetings page for more information.

With enough interest we can launch new satellite meetings. Feel free to bring it up at a support meeting or contact us so that we can discuss further.

What is your meeting format?

Our meetings offer support and education in a safe, confidential, and welcoming atmosphere. We meet in a large circle at the start of the meeting for greetings and announcements from our chair. The rest of the meeting typically consists of our support circles, a refreshment break (see “FAQ: Safety Requirements”), and in the second half may continue with informal person-to-person conversations or an educational portion (such as a guest speaker/panel or viewing of a short film).

Do I have to come to both parts of the meeting?

No. You can come for just the support circle portion or the guest speaker/panel portion. We typically begin with support circles which commence right after greetings and announcements from our chair. After an hour we break for refreshments and gather together at 8PM for our guest speaker/panel.  To attend only the support circles, please arrive at 7:00PM. To hear only the speaker/panel, please arrive at 7:55PM.

Can I attend the meeting remotely as well as in-person?

Yes, we have both options available. Please consult our Support Meetings page for instructions on how to properly access our meetings via Zoom. Much of the information in this FAQ also applies to remote attendees, so be sure to come back to it!

Do your in-person meetings have safety requirements?

Yes, they do. We abide by church rules (no proof of vaccination required and masking suggested).

Snack contributions from attendees for the break are always welcome. We ask you to follow safe protocols for bringing refreshments. “Low touch” prepackaged food and drinks, easily grabbed cookies, loose items with scoops/serving utensils, etc. are ok. Please avoid “high touch” shared finger foods such as a bowl of popcorn for hands to dip into.  If you have special dietary concerns (for example, you are gluten free), feel free to bring that type of snack to share with others!

Are there gender neutral restrooms available?

Yes.  The church bathrooms are located outside the sanctuary on the right and one is gender neutral.

Is there any access for disabled attendees and members?

Yes, our meetings are on the main floor with access for disabled attendees. There is another set of doors on the left side of the building which has an available ramp. Please contact us in advance if you need the ramp so that we can arrange for these doors to be open.

Can I take the bus to the in-person location?

The closest bus stop to the church is at the corner of Bellevue Way and NE 20th St.  It is four blocks from the church, and is a level walk on NE 20th St except for the steep church driveway. The meeting location is also in walking distance (1 mile) from the downtown Bellevue transit center.

Can I talk to a PFLAG member before I attend my first meeting?

Yes. You can contact us by email and an experienced member will get back to you for a preliminary conversation, where we can discuss in confidence your situation and how we can support you.

Who comes to your PFLAG meetings?

Our meetings are attended by a diverse group of people who share the common goal of supporting each other and advocating for the LGBTQ+ community.

• Members of the LGBTQ+ community: Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender/gender-expansive, queer/questioning, and others.
• Questioning folks: People who have questions about their own sexual orientation and gender identity (and those who wonder about their child or other loved one) and need to explore their feelings.
• Family and friends of LGBTQ+ people: Parents, grandparents, siblings, other family members, and friends.
• Allies: People, both straight and LGBTQ+, who want to support others in their journey toward acceptance and equality. We need and deeply value our members who come to support others.
• Advocates: Anyone who wants to volunteer, work, or educate on behalf of LGBTQ+ rights.

Why do you have guest speakers at your meetings?

PFLAG is dedicated to education and advocacy, along with support. Toward that end, our guest speakers broaden our awareness of the many facets of the LGBTQ+ community: its diversity, history, activism, creativity, and resilience. We learn of the accomplishments and challenges in our efforts toward equality, so that we can better work to advance it. In most cases, our speakers will share their own personal  journey, even if they are addressing another topic.

We feature speakers from diverse backgrounds and points of view, representing a range of professions, from politics, law, medicine, and psychology, to education, theology and the arts. Some do social work and activism for the LGBTQ+ community, others express their connection through dance, music, or storytelling. In addition to individual speakers, we host panels on various themes, such as coming out as an LGBTQ+ parent, building LGBTQ+ lives together, finding safe groups for LGBTQ+ youth, and joining inclusive recreation groups.

Our speakers provide informed and often first-hand information on a range of important issues affecting our community, such as equality, health, education, so that we can better understand them and advocate on our behalf.

In the past few years, we’ve been educated, moved, and motivated by local representatives from both Congress and the State Assembly, a gay scout master, a transgender activist, a beloved gay high school principal, a prominent gay theater director, LGBTQ+ athletes (including runners, roller skaters, and hikers), a gay judge for the Washington Supreme Court, a nationally famous LGBTQ+ author and advocate, a well known lesbian local radio personality, and a standard poodle and her two mothers who drove across the country to document their gay experience in straight America.

If there’s a specific topic you’d like to learn more about, email us and we’ll try to find a speaker.

No, we use the church only for its available meeting space and the generous year-round basement storage space they provide.

PFLAG National and PFLAG chapters are non-sectarian, non-denominational, and not affiliated with any particular religious institution. Although some PFLAG chapter meetings—including our own—are held in buildings owned by religious communities, PFLAG chapters are not programs of, nor do they promote the religious beliefs of, those organizations.

Even with no affiliation to our host church, we understand that our chosen meeting space must be one that is welcoming to LGBTQ+ people and allies.  Please be assured that our host church is LGBTQ+ affirming and supportive of our work: A massive pride banner runs the entire length of the sanctuary, a Pride banner is posted at the front door, inclusive artwork is hung in common areas, the church often places several dozen signs on Bellevue streets that honor Transgender Day of Remembrance or other LGBTQ+ events, and a social justice bookcase sits in the front lobby. In addition, the church usually hosts a Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremony with PFLAG and other advocacy groups who address the attendees.

In return, we abide by the host church rules for guests, including safety protocols, and are respectful of their property and personnel.

What is the Methodist Church’s stance on LGBTQ+ matters?

Our host church remains steadfast in affirming LGBTQ+ people. The global United Methodist Church recently split over this issue and our church remained in the majority who affirm LGBTQ+ people in society and the church. Again, PFLAG is not affiliated with any religion or faith community and we use the church only as a meeting space. However, it is essential for us, our members, and our attendees that we have the utmost confidence that our host church continue to affirm, support, and advocate on behalf of our LGBTQ+ community.

Can you explain a bit more about the position of your host church?

In 2024 the global United Methodist Church substantially completed a split that involved LGBTQ+ inclusion. Our chapter’s host church is in the majority of Methodist churches that have begun to formalize LGBTQ+ inclusion by removing legacy exclusionary declarations and ending bans on same-sex weddings and gay clergy. For many years our host church was actively voicing opposition to the UMC’s exclusionary policies by withholding a portion of dues; later, a substantial donation was made to our PFLAG chapter from those withheld dues.

In addition, you can read the letter of support to our chapter from the pastor church and read an interview with their pastor.

We are typically in different places along the way and we each bring our own stories. You might see a mix of the following:

• First time attendees at their first meeting and chapter founding members who’ve been attending for decades.
• A range of ages, from (accompanied) teens to senior citizens.
• Single, married, and divorced people as well as parents and child-free adults.
• LGBTQ+ people who’ve just come out and those who are openly out.
• Families and friends who’ve just “come out” themselves to their circles after learning that a loved one is LGBTQ+
• People farther down the road in their journey who understand and wish to mentor.
• Folks in the closet, perhaps attending anonymously, considering coming out or not sure if it’s possible.
• Folks out and proud who understand the coming out process
• People ready to listen and share their own stories.
• People who only want to listen, which we consider a valid form of participation.

So where do PFLAG attendees find commonality?

PFLAG’s tagline is “Leading With Love.” We are bound by the belief that we are all on a journey to acceptance and equality. Some of us are just starting out, others are further down the road. We understand and respect that we are not all in the same place or from similar backgrounds. What’s important is our intent to give and receive support, to learn, listen, and love, and to move forward together.

We also find commonality through the experience of finding trust in a safe space among a large community of diverse peers who are strangers at first and often become close friends and chosen family.

No. PFLAG does not promote one political or religious view and is inclusive to people of all backgrounds, beliefs, and faiths. We come together to fulfill our mission of an “equitable, inclusive world where every LGBTQ+ person is safe, celebrated, empowered, and loved.”

While we sometimes feature guest speakers who express a religious or political opinion, we do not always advocate their positions and work to ensure that our guest speakers come from diverse points of view to better inform our membership.

Yes, you can feel free to discuss how your faith personally impacts your journey as an LGBTQ+ person or ally. PFLAG recognizes that many LGBTQ+ people and their loves ones are people of faith and that the attitude of their faith communities can be a source of profound pain and struggle. Some of us are people of faith who been down that path and can share our own journey of discovery; others of us are not people of faith but we deeply empathize with feelings of being outcast and discriminated against. So while we do not align with any religion, we are here to support you.

PFLAG’s publications page has a number of free PDF and purchasable books that address issues surrounding Faith.

Who facilitates the support circles?

Our groups are facilitated by experienced PFLAG members who have been trained to lead support circles and who have a strong connection to the LGBTQ+ community.

How do I know which support circle I should join?

Our chapter chair helps us divide into circles which may be random of theme-based. You are always free to choose the circle you wish for whatever reason.

We strive to create small and effective circles (5-10 people) that focus on these particular themes depending on the number of attendees and interests:

• Parent circle (for parents to discuss their concerns around parenting).
• Sexual orientation circle (LGBQ circle) for people to share or learn about sexual orientation, including people who are questioning their own sexuality.
• TG/Non-binary circle (for sharing or learning about TG/Non-binary concerns).
• General circle (for whatever interests or just to be around new people)

Do I have to be in the same support circle as the person I came with (i.e. my spouse/partner/family member/friend)?

No. You can split into different support circles or choose the same support circle: whichever you prefer. We often encourage people who come together to try being in separate support circles.  We often feel more open and free if we are not talking in front of a loved one or friend. In addition, each support circle has its own particular dynamics and can lead to unique insights, which you might later share with each other.

What are the support circles like?

Our support circles provide a place where we listen and speak to each other other with respect, kindness, and non-judgement.

• We assume we all come from good intentions. Our words might occasionally be awkward and we might sometimes overstep or miss a point, but we attend meetings because our hearts are in the right place and we seek to learn and support others.
• We express our own experiences and emotions, rather than telling another person what to think, feel, or do. To that end, we try to communicate using the  “I-Statement“ rather than the “You-Statement” (See the next question for complete details.)
• We value listening as much as speaking. Listening is not only a form of learning and participation, but also a gift we can give each other. For many of us in the LGBTQ+ community, being seen and heard as our authentic selves is profoundly impactful.

The  support we give each other is the heart of our meetings, a time reserved for people to express their fears and hopes, and hear how others have handled similar situations. We talk, we laugh (more than you might expect!), and sometimes we cry, but PFLAGers will tell you that we feel better when we leave than when we arrived.

Can you generally describe what people talk about in support circles?

Support circles are confidential, so no specifics can be shared. However, we typically discuss issues we face as members or allies of the LGBTQ+ community, including fears and successes, coming out to our loved ones, supporting a child who is questioning or out, dealing with friends, family, and colleagues who might be insensitive or homophobic, handling situations at work or school that relate to our sexuality and/or gender, and so on. Sometimes we focus on a particular theme (such as a particular holiday or the start of a new school year) and how it relates to where we are in our lives. We also make it a priority to listen and support any newcomers who feel ready to talk.

What if I don’t feel like saying anything during the support circle?

That’s fine. We believe that listening is a form of both participation and learning. Facilitators typically ask around the mid-point of the session if anyone who has not yet spoken needs group time, which is simply a check-in and not intended as pressure on anyone to speak.

Is a PFLAG support circle like group therapy or seeing a counselor?

No, it is not. We are a grassroots all-volunteer organization, who offer peer-to-peer support in a safe confidential space, where we speak from our hearts and tell our stories. We do not have the training nor is it our intent to provide professional counseling services. If you feel you need professional therapy, it is very important that you  find it. You might start your journey with these resources.

What if I really need support from a facilitator but I don’t feel like talking in front of a support circle?

For newcomers, we provide the option to meet with facilitator alone rather than in a support circle. If that is your preference, simply let us know and you will be assigned your own facilitator in a private part of the room. In addition, we offer all members the option to continue talking to a facilitator on a one-on-one basis during the second half of the meeting.

I still feel shock, sadness, and confusion about being connected to the LGBTQ+ community. Can I express such feelings in a support circle that consists of  LGBTQ+ members and allies?

Yes, it’s really okay! We understand these feelings and most of us experienced a variation of them at some point. For some, it was when we came to terms with our own sexuality and gender issues. For others, it was when we learned our son is gay, or our daughter is transgender, or our spouse is bisexual, or our sibling is gender-queer, and so on.

We recognize that this is journey for everyone: at one time we were all taking our first step and working through intense, often difficult emotions. Our goal is to work through such feelings in a way that is safe and sensitive.

We also have discovered from experience that the more we learn about the LGBTQ+ community, the more assured we feel over time.

The “I-Statement” is a best practice that expresses the feelings and experience of the person speaking. It typically begins with the word “I.” In contrast, the “You-Statement” comments on the person being spoken to and begins with the word “You.”

When we speak with the “I-Statement” to each other, we can express ourselves with less risk of making others feel defensive or judged. We center our comments around ourselves which helps us reflect and grow. We tell our own stories so that others can find their own meaning from them and add those stories to others they’ve heard. I-Statements tend to be more vulnerable and honest, and they can be important when the “you” person is in the room because they tend to build more openness and connection rather than creating defensiveness and barriers to trust. The I-Statement also helps to preserve room for reconciliation and mutual problem-solving. We also avoid injecting advice unless it is requested by an attendee or offered by a trained facilitator. Finally, we avoid turning an “I-Statement” into a “You-Statement.”

Here are some examples of the “I-Statement form” contrasted with the “You-Statement.”

• Do: “I feel so different from all of you.”
  Avoid: “You are all so strange and bizarre to me.”
• Do: “I feel unworthy because I believed there was only one way to live correctly.”
  Avoid: “You taught me that my identity made me worthless.”
• Do: “I’m overwhelmed and need to take things in more slowly.”
  Avoid: “You’re stressing me out by giving me so much information.”
• Do: “I feel scared of what the future looks like for me and my kid.”
  Avoid: “You make the future bleak for me and my kid.”
• Do: “I feel angry because of how much weight I’m carrying.”
  Avoid: “I feel you aren’t carrying your weight.”

Yes. We typically ask members in each support circle to indicate their preferred gender pronouns. The answer might be female or male pronouns or in some cases, more gender neutral pronouns, like “they” and “them,” which might be new terms to you. We recognize that making assumptions about the many dimensions of someone’s life simply based on appearance at a moment in time is a bias.

The practice of announcing pronouns conveys some information about the complex subject of gender identity (even if they are not very precise). They are also a way to honor and support the difficult process of self-accepting one’s gender identity. Announcing your own pronouns signals others are safe to speak their truth openly.

Yes. The LGBTQ+ community has many terms that newcomers might not be familiar with, but your PFLAG facilitator can usually define and explain them to you. For more information, check the PFLAG Glossary.

Confidentiality is a deeply held tenet of PFLAG. What is said in our meetings, as well as the identities of persons attending, does not leave the room. The LGBTQ+ community and its allies are particularly cognizant of the need for privacy and discretion, as it is an issue many of us face in our families and place of employment. We also strive to focus less on the specific names and affiliations of people and more with the deeper issues and lessons at hand.

In addition, we can arrange that you speak one-one-one with an experienced member at the meeting (or a different time) and/or discuss an issue over the telephone.

What if I really need support from a facilitator but I don’t feel like talking in front of a support circle?

For newcomers, we provide the option to meet with facilitator alone rather than in a support circle. If that is your preference, simply let us know and you will be assigned your own facilitator in a private part of the room. In addition, we offer all members the option to continue talking to a facilitator on a one-on-one basis during the second half of the meeting.

Please see our resources page for crisis support.

You do that by simply showing up and being present as whoever you are.

LGBTQ+ individuals and their affirming families and friends are essential to our success. We deeply value all who come to support others whether it’s to contribute experiences and ideas or simply to show others that they are not alone. For many who are new to the community, meeting and interacting with LGBTQ+ people who are further down the road is a positive message that can be life-changing. We need and appreciate your experience, expertise, and insights.

Your presence as a successful LGBTQ+ person whether it be in a loving relationship, thriving in your personal activities, professional success, or having kids/grandkids to brag about can be very hopeful for others who are just starting their journeys.

In addition, by attending our meetings, you can also learn other ways to support the LGBTQ+ community through advocacy and education. If you have the ability to volunteer your time, please check out how to get involved!

Sometimes allies offer to accompany a friend or family member to their first PFLAG meeting for extra comfort and support. The support person might even come alone to experience a meeting and share their experience. We can also talk or meet with a newcomer on a one-to-one basis before they attend a meeting or in place of them attending one. Contact us for more information.

Yes. Our welcoming table features free PFLAG booklets and we bring a cart of books from our chapter lending library. Our chapter librarian can help you check out books during refreshment time or right after the meeting ends.  If you need additional literature, please talk to one our facilitators and we’ll do our best to connect you to the right sources. Our website also includes many helpful resources.

You can become a member online or at your next PFLAG meeting. By becoming a member, you help support our work for the LGBTQ+ community across the Eastside and also automatically join PFLAG National. As a result, you receive a PFLAG bookstore  discount and free access to PFLAG Academy Online.

Social media is a great method for sharing information about our meetings. You can like us on Facebook and share our meeting posts.

You can also display or distribute our meeting rack cards and business cards, which are available at our monthly meetings and that we can provide upon request. You can post the cards on a public board at a library, school, medical facility or place of business or request multiple copies and make it available in quantity for clients, patients, employees, students, etc.

If you already spend a lot of time on social media in various groups, you can help collect and repost content as a social media volunteer. Please contact us if this is of interest to you.